I managed to fall into a discussion today with a stranger whilst having a midday coffee break.
He had seen me helping a lady get all her bags onto a bus and said I was one of those "nice guys". I said "Aren't we all, in the end?"
"No." He bluntly said and continued along the lines of, "Some people don't try to be nice guys, they don't even want to be. The politicians, the marketers, the salesman. They succeed because they aren't nice people. They succeed because of nice people."
I was pretty taken aback. I can't remember the majority of our conversation but one thing he said really got to me.
"If you always give then it's easy for other people to take from you. If you stop giving you don't lose anything and you stand to gain a lot more."
I'll admit it. I was almost convinced by this argument. I'm the kind of person that will rarely say no unless I absolutely have no other choice. I try to do whatever I can to help other people, even if it means I would be less well off at the outcome, which I usually am. Either with less time, money or energy. If I stopped giving of these then, yes, I would retain what I have and still acquire more from those that were the "nice guys". It's a win-win, right?
I wondered, perhaps that if I were to be less focused on the wellbeing of others, I would instead be able to focus purely on the self. If someone considered me to be selfish for it then who cares except they themselves? I would still benefit at the end of it all..
So why maintain this persona of nice for niceness?
No, as I said, I was almost convinced; not entirely. I finally came to my conclusion only a few moments ago.
I don't help people because I have to. I don't do it for the sense of satisfaction in being the good guy. I do it because I want to be treated the same.
Okay, so there will be a lot of people who may take advantage. Many who would bleed my veins dry for themselves. Some who may not realise even that they are doing so. These people are an unfortunate reality and I can accept that.
But if I acted the same, I would be teaching others I meet that that is how society is. That's not how I want society to be, that's not the impression I want to give, that's not the world I want to live in.
I hope that if I treat someone with respect that they would treat me the same, and expand the attitude onto others. I hope to show empathy and I want others to be empathic too.
And yet, empathy is a much bigger word than it first appears. You can put yourself in another man's shoes and say you see and feel and understand without ever having done anything of the like. Even in your mind, you can picture a person's situation but the detachment to it is still a factor. Although the solution to you may be obvious, the situation has had no affect on you because you remain behind a glass wall of imagination. Until you really are in the same room, surrounded by the same four walls, breathing the same air you cannot fathom it. It's very easy to say cheer up when you're not the one in despair. It's all too easy to let someone go when you aren't in love with them and it's a simple thing to fall asleep when your mind isn't running in circles.
Sometimes, empathy is impossible.
We cannot understand because the concept is too alien.
I want to help if I can, and where I can't I want to
show that I want to.
Because sometimes all you really need is someone to just be the "nice guy".
